Together Again
by alanmonica4vr
Summary: Monica and Alan prove that not even death can keep them apart


Monica sat in the Quartermaine den, when Edward walked in. "Oh, hello, my dear. Any idea where Tracy ran off to? I swear, if she doesn't sit down and go over these ELQ figures, we'll never salvage the 3rd quarter." When she didn't look up, Edward sat down next to her. "Monica, I was talking to you, are you ok?"

"Oh, Edward, I'm sorry. Tracy's homecoming has left me a little rattled that's all. You know I thought I was doing ok..well, not ok, but I was dealing with things. That is until she comes in and starts yelling at "Alan's ghost" again. And the worst of it is, she actually makes me start to believe that she does see him and then I realize how badly I want to see him, to talk to him again, even if only for a moment."

"What would you do if you could? What would you say to him?"

"I would tell him how much I love him, how much I've always loved him, and how much I truly miss him. But, I know, Edward, that none of this is possible. We can't just wish our loved ones back again."

"I know how you feel Monica. I'd love to see Lila again."

"Oh boy do we need her around here now. She'd know just what to do with Tracy and LuLu. Well, actually, she was such a believer in love, she'd probably tell LuLu to follow her heart and go off with Logan, no matter whose kid he is."

"That's my Lila, ever the romantic. She thought that love could fix everything."

"You're right Edward, and so was she. I mean, Alan and I probably wouldn't have even still been together if it wasn't for Lila's never ending attempts to reconcile us when we thought we'd reached the end." Monica starts to laugh. "I remember early on in our marriage when we were on the brink of divorce, Lila would arrange these so-called family dinners and then you and she would conveniently have other plans, so it would be just Alan and I. I have to admit, it worked too. Oh boy did it ever."

"Ok, spare me the gruesome details Monica. Lila always believed in you and Alan even when the rest of us were certain you'd kill each other within the first five years of your marriage."  
"Who'd have ever thought we'd make it nearly 30?" Monica shakes her head and looks glum. "You know if someone told me long ago that on February 27, 2007, he'd be taken from my life forever, I would have done things very different."

"What would you have done?"

"I would have spent less time working, less time being angry, less time blaming him for things that weren't his fault. And I would have spent a whole lot more time just sitting with him, studying his face so I wouldn't forget any detail, memorizing his voice, so I wouldn't forget how soft and warm it was. I would have held him so much tighter and just loved him so much better."

Edward said nothing, but just put a caring arm around her shoulder and pulled her to his side as she let a few quiet tears roll down her cheeks.

Later that night, Monica felt restless and could not sleep, so she came downstairs to find her medical journal. Before looking for the book, she sat down in the dark on Alan's chair. She felt an immediate calmness and warmth and she relaxed back in the chair and closed her eyes. She felt such a sense of calmness and peace. She sat for a moment then got up, opened her desk drawer and picked up the magazine. She was shocked at what she saw under the magazine. The box was small and wrapped with gold wrapping paper. It had a small tag on it that said "Monica". Monica picked it up, puzzled. The handwriting was unfamiliar, but the box and wrapping was clearly from Howard's, her favorite jewelry store. Alan had gotten her countless gifts from that store over the years. She fought off the impulse to awaken the entire house and find out where this box came from, but she knew everyone was asleep. She resisted the urge to tear the box open and look at its contents. She thought it best to wait until she knew what this was all about. She took the box upstairs and attempted to get some sleep.

First thing in the morning, Monica headed downstairs and found Edward and Alice in the den. "Oh, good, I'm glad you're both awake. I found this box in the desk drawer yesterday under one of my magazines. Do any of you know where it came from?"

Edward inspected the box carefully. "Looks like Howard's."

"Yes, I know that Edward, but how did it get here?"

"Looks like a present for you Dr. Q," Alice chimed in.  
"Have you seen it before, Alice? Did you put it in the drawer?"

"No, sorry. Maybe it was from Dr. Alan. Maybe he left it in there for you before…you know..he died."

"I doubt it. I would have seen it before now and Alan was definitely a last minute shopper."

A half hour later, Monica was finishing her coffee and reading the newspaper when Tracy entered. "Tracy…I found this in my desk. Have you seen it before? Do you know how it got there?"

"Ooooh, looks like Howard's!! Something nice, I bet."

"Tracy, I'm serious, what do you know about this?"

"Well, obviously, it's meant for you…it has your name on it."  
"Alright, Tracy, if you won't help me with this, I guess the only thing I can do is open it." She began to tear open the wrapping.

"Wait, you're not supposed to open it until Saturday." Tracy slipped, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Saturday? So you do know something about this," Monica said angrily.

"Well, it is your anniversary, isn't it?"

"I know you didn't get me a gift, so what's the meaning of this?"

"Monica, it's from Alan!" Tracy shouted.

"Oh, this is just great, Tracy. Do you honestly hate me that much that you'd torture me like this? I mean it's bad enough you have constant conversations with my dead husband, in front of me and now you do this?"

"Monica, I don't hate you. How many times have I told you, I didn't ask for this to happen. I WANT Alan to leave me alone. I'd love for him to spend some time irritating you for a change. Maybe you should just open the present and see."

Tracy recalled buying the gift for Monica only yesterday. After she'd been back from Shadybrook only a couple of hours, she found Alan in his chair looking glum.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.

"I need you to do me a favor Tracy," he replied.

"A favor? You haunt me for 6 months, cause me to get committed to Shadybrook for the entire summer, and just plain old drive me crazy and you want ME to do YOU a favor??? Hahaha …you're out of your mind."

"I'm serious Tracy. I'd do it myself except there's this little problem of me being DEAD. And if you think spending the past 6 months with you was any picnic, you're wrong."

"What kind of favor, Alan?" she sighed, annoyed.

"I want you to help me get Monica a present. Saturday is our anniversary and I want her to know I haven't forgotten it or her. Maybe it will finally help her to know that I'm still here. I really need to connect with her somehow. I miss her."

"So, you want ME to go out and buy Monica a present?"  
"Tracy, it's not like I can just float into a store and pick out something."

"Oh, ok Alan. What exactly do you want to get?"

Alan ended up accompanying Tracy to Howard's jewelry where he selected a beautiful sapphire and diamond bracelet which he knew Monica would adore.

After returning to the mansion, Tracy sat at the desk to sign Alan's name to the card, when she heard Monica enter. She quickly attached the card and stuffed the gift into the drawer where she forgot about it until this morning.

Monica tore open the wrapping paper and gasped at the gorgeous bracelet. She read the card which simply stated, "I love you forever…Alan" Her eyes filled with tears and then she became angry.

"What kind of a cruel game are you playing Tracy? You honestly expect me to believe this is from Alan?"

"Yes, Monica, he wanted me to help him get it for you for your anniversary. He would have done it himself, but he isn't carrying cash around these days. Monica, he's desperately trying to connect with you, but you're too stubborn to believe me."

"Ok, Tracy, fine…I'll play along. Is Alan here right now in this room?"

"Yes."

"And you can see him? And he sees you?"

"Yes."

"And you can talk to him, just like you and I are."

"Yes, Monica, this is what I've been trying to tell you!"

"Can he see me?"

Alan chimes in, "Tell her that I see her and she has never looked more beautiful, except for the sadness that's in her eyes."

Tracy rolled her eyes. "He sees you and he said you have never looked more beautiful, but your eyes look sad."

Monica shook her head in disbelief. "Let's prove this. Have Alan tell you something private, that only the two of us would know about."

"Eww, Monica, we tried that before and it was way too much information. I still can't get the image of whatever "oopsy daisy" was out of my head."

Tracy looked at Alan in his chair, he was grinning ear to ear. "Well, Alan?" she asked him.

"Hang on sister, I'm still remembering oopsy daisy." He continued to smile.

"Tracy, is Alan still here or did he float off somewhere?" Monica asked cynically.

Alan finally answered. "Tell her about the night before her cancer surgery. It was our wedding anniversary. She'd been drinking too much champagne and climbed on the balcony ledge outside our bedroom and almost fell off."

"He said the night before your cancer surgery you drank too much and you climbed on the balcony ledge and almost fell. It was your anniversary too. "

Monica felt as if she'd been hit. "How did you know that?" she spoke angrily.

"Monica, Alan just told me now. I wasn't even in Port Charles back then."

Monica was shouting now. "I don't believe you. How dare he broadcast something that personal to this family! I'm sure someone in this family told you about it!"

Alan chimed in, his voice growing soft and serious. "Tell her she was wearing a long blue gown and I was in my tuxedo. We were going to go out for dinner to celebrate our anniversary. We were out on the balcony looking at the stars. I stepped inside to get something. Yes…the caviar. When I came out, she was on the balcony. She lost her footing and I caught her".

Tracy related the story to Monica who looked astonished.

Alan continued. "It was at that moment, when I was holding her in my arms and she was crying that I truly realized how terrified she was of the surgery and how terrified I was of losing her." His voice faded and his eyes misted.

Tracy took a deep breath and repeated Alan's words. "That's enough now, I'm done. This isn't a movie. I'm not Whoopi Goldberg and you sure as hell aren't Patrick Swayze," she said, pointing at Alan. "You two are going to have to figure this out yourselves." She stormed out of the room.

Monica just stood there, tears rolling down her face. She stared down at the box holding the bracelet, and then hurled it across the room, screaming "Damn you..Both of you!" She collapsed onto the couch, holding her head in her hands, sobbing.

Alan stared at her helplessly. "Please Monica, please believe me, I'm here," he whispered. He sat next to her on the couch and spoke quietly. "Monica, let yourself believe. Believe in me…believe in us. Please try and see me. I love you."

Monica looked up and turned her head toward Alan as if she had heard him.

"Do you hear me…Monica?"

"No," she gasped. "Alan? This can't be."

"Yes darling, it's me. I know you can hear me. Now just look at me. Follow your heart and just look for me. I'm right here. I know you want to see me."

Monica stared at the space where the voice was coming from and gradually Alan's image begins to appear, faint at first, but then more clearly. "Oh my God, I can see you. You're really here. Alan…can I …can I touch you?" She reached for him, but felt nothing.

"I wish you could Monica. But I am so glad you can finally see me. Do you know how much I've wanted you to see me, for us to be able to connect?"

Monica wiped her tears. "I didn't believe Tracy. I thought she was crazy or just trying to torment me. But, I wished so much that it could be true, that I could really see you again. There is so much that I want to tell you. I've missed you so much."

"My darling, you know I missed you too. When I was in this house with Tracy, I could see you and watch you. But I wanted so much for you to see me too. I thought maybe somehow you'd be able to feel that I was here."

"I did feel you, Alan. So many times I'd feel your presence, here and at GH, but I dismissed it. I thought maybe I just missed you so badly I imagined things."

"All that's important is that you know now. Now I can tell you how much I love you."

Monica choked up. "I love you too. So very much. I always have. I need you to know that. I was so afraid that you died without knowing that."

"No, no. How could I not know? You stood by me through so much. You must have loved me."

"Well, you had plenty of reasons to doubt me through the years."

"None of that is important now. I don't doubt you. I can tell by looking in your eyes how real your emotions are."

"It's just been so hard…." Her voice broke.

"Shh, shh. I know and I'm sorry. I never wanted to leave you or the rest of my family. Maybe that's why I never truly left. I don't know. There's so much of this I don't understand. Maybe this is just more proof that our love has been able to get us through anything. Even death."

They spend the next hours talking and laughing and reconnecting. When Monica began to get tired, she headed up to bed, Alan at her side. He lay next to her and they spent what seemed like hours just staring and each other and whispering softly.

Alan spent the next few weeks at Monica's side. They talked, laughed, and even had the occasional disagreement, just for old times' sake. They spent most of their time talking in the privacy of Monica's room, where they didn't need to worry about someone coming in and finding Monica now talking to the furniture. Tracy was glad Alan was now "haunting" Monica instead of just her. Alan even occasionally went to work with her. He enjoyed walking the halls of GH again and Monica loved returning to her office at the end of a hard day to find Alan sitting in her chair waiting for her.

On one particularly busy day, Alan waited for Monica at the nurse's station. She hurried off the elevator. As she signed out for the day, she was stopped by a colleague of hers, Dr. Ben Walters. Dr. Walters was the chief of pulmonary medicine and he and Monica often consulted together on many cases. He was roughly the same age as Monica, strikingly handsome with brown hair and a neatly trimmed goatee, which showed just a bit of gray. He had piercing blue eyes and a perfect smile. He was divorced and had been working at GH for several years. Ben stopped Monica as she was getting ready to leave. "Monica, I'm glad I caught you. Hey, that was a great lecture today. I am really intrigued by the new research you discussed. It was simply fascinating."

"Thanks Ben, I appreciate your input." She began to walk away.

"Listen, Monica, I was wondering if maybe we could have dinner sometime; we could discuss this a bit further." Alan glared at Ben, his fists clenched.

Monica looked surprised. "Oh, no Ben, I couldn't, but I'd be happy to talk about the research here at work."

"Well, I thought maybe if we went out, we could not only "talk shop" but maybe get to know each other better, you know, outside of this place."

"No, Ben, I can't, but thank you. It was nice of you to ask. I'll see you tomorrow."

Ben walked off, as Monica watched him, smiling. Emily came up behind her. "What's that grin about, Mom?"

"Oh hi, Em. I think I just got asked out."

"By Dr. Walters? Wow, Mom, he's pretty cute. I hope you said yes."

"No, Em, don't be silly. I can't go out with another man."

"Why not? I don't see any harm in an innocent date."

"Em let this go ok. I'm not ready for the dating scene yet. I gotta go…see you later honey."

She got on the elevator and found Alan waiting for her. He seemed angry. "Well, I take it you heard that whole conversation with Ben Walters."

"He's got a lot of nerve, that lowlife creep."

"Funny, I always thought you admired Ben."

"Did you see the way he was leering at you…like you were a piece of meat?"

"Well, maybe he likes what he saw, Alan."

"I tell you, if I were still chief of staff, I'd have him canned."

"On what grounds?"

"Unprofessional conduct."

Monica burst out laughing. "Oh, Alan, even as a ghost you're still so jealous."

"And my own daughter too…trying to pair you off with someone else. I'm hurt."

"Now Alan, she's just looking out for me."

"Well, if she were truly looking out for you, she'd keep you away from creeps like that."

"Alan, Ben Walters is not a creep. He's an excellent doctor. Come on, let's forget about him and go home."

About a week later, Monica wrapped up her patient rounds and returned to her office. As was often the case, Alan was waiting for her at her desk. She pleasantly chatted with him about her day, but was interrupted by a knock on her door. When she opened it, it was Ben Walters.

"Monica, hi, sorry to disturb you." He looked into her office, puzzled. "I'm sorry, I thought I heard you talking to someone."

"I was on the phone," Monica covered. "What can I do for you?"

"I wondered if you had a moment to discuss the Smith case with me. I wanted to make some adjustments on her medications and recommend a few more tests, but I thought I'd run things by you first." He proceeded to explain his ideas on the case.

"That sounds fine Ben, but you really didn't have to check with me. You know I trust your judgment."

"Well, I guess I wanted an excuse to see you. You know that dinner invitation is still open. I know a great little place that has a band on Friday nights. I am betting you're a terrific dancer."

"Maybe I once was, but I've long since hung up my dancing shoes. Really, your invitation is very kind, but I just can't, not now."

"Listen Monica, I know it hasn't been all that long since you lost your husband and I'm really not trying to push anything. I just thought that maybe you'd enjoy an evening out and some company."

"Ben, I can't. Ok, I just can't."

"Monica, we've known each other on a professional level for a number of years and I've learned enough about you to know that you are a brilliant and fascinating woman. I'd like very much to spend some more time with you. But, I understand things are probably still pretty difficult for you right now, so I'll let it be. If you ever change your mind, though, the offer still stands." He smiled at her and walked off.

Monica sighed and turned around to face Alan, but he was gone.

Back at the mansion, Tracy found Alan sitting quietly in his chair. He didn't look up when she entered. "Ok, why so glum, Alan? Fight with Monica?"

"Tracy, I need to talk to you. I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"I can't hold onto her like this anymore, it's not fair to her."

"Alan, I have no idea what you are talking about!"

"Monica. I have to let her go. I've been so unfair and I haven't even realized it until now. How can she move on with her life if I'm still hovering around here? I think it's time I finally move on. Any unfinished business I may have had is long since done."

"Wait a minute Alan….you practically beg me to help you reconnect with Monica and now you're just going to leave her?"

"She deserves to live her life, to move forward, to love again."

"Is she having an affair?"

"No, Tracy, that's just it. She won't. Don't you see how I'm holding her back? I have nothing to offer her. I'm not even real. She can't even talk to me except when she's sure no one else is around. She deserves more than this."

"Have you stopped for a moment to consider what Monica might want? For some odd reason, she loves you…a lot. And I don't really think she wants to let go of you."

"She doesn't know what's best for her. Holding on to a spirit, to the past, to what we once had…it's not going to sustain her for the rest of her life. She needs to be with a real man, someone who can take her out, show her a good time, fall in love with her."

"I cannot believe this…this, coming from the man who was so crazed with jealousy that he tried to kill her…twice."

"I know. Believe me, the thought of Monica with someone else still kills me, but I have to think of her now, not me. I can't be selfish anymore. Tracy, I'm leaving. It's time I go where I'm ultimately supposed to go. I've done all I need to do here. I think I've managed to set you straight somewhat, and I've made sure Monica knows I love her. As soon as I talk to her, I'll go."

"Wait…you mean…I won't see you anymore?"

"No. That should come as quite a relief."

Tracy got a little misty, "Actually, believe it or not…a part of me kinda liked having you hanging around here, even though you were dreadfully bossy. I can honestly say that I will miss you."

"I'll miss you too, sister."

"I hope you're doing the right thing."

"I'm doing what I have to do."

Monica returned home and looked for Alan throughout the house. She finally found him sitting quietly on their bed. "Ok, Alan, before you say anything, I set Ben Walters straight. I really don't know what's gotten into that man. I never did anything to make him think I was the least bit interested in him."

"Actually Ben's a pretty smart man. He knows a beautiful, amazing woman when he sees one. Monica, I need to talk to you."

"Uh-oh, this sounds serious."

Alan patted the bed for Monica to sit next to him. He looked into her eyes, breathed deeply and braced himself for what he needed to say to her.

"Monica, I've been very unfair to you and very selfish. I was so desperate to make contact with you and to be able to talk to you, that I didn't stop and consider how all this would affect you. You are supposed to be getting over me and moving on and I have created a huge obstacle to that."

"Alan, what in the world?..."  
"Stop, hear me out Monica. What do you see when you look at me?"

"I see the man that I love."

"But that's not what I am. I'm not a man, I'm not even real. The Alan that I once was is dead…gone…and he can't come back. And you deserve more than that. You deserve a real man, a real relationship."

"Where is this coming from? This is about Ben isn't it? I told you I am not interested in him."  
"It's about Ben or anyone else who may come into your life. Monica you are so beautiful and full of life and you have so much life left ahead of you. You need to spend those years with someone, someone real. Someone who can take you out, show you a wonderful time. Someone who will help bring out all that passion that I know has always been inside of you."

"That passion has always been for you Alan."

"I can't give you anything Monica. My God, I can't even hold you…you can't even touch me. Do you know how much I want to still be alive just to pull you into my arms and kiss you? But that can't happen…ever again." Alan put his head into his hands and wept quietly.

"I'm leaving Monica. It's time now for me to go onto wherever it is that I'm supposed to be. And it's time I let you start living your life again."  
Monica shook her head and began to cry. "No….No. Alan Quartermaine, you don't get to do this. You don't get to just come back into my life and then just up and decide you're going to leave it again. Have you stopped for one instant to think of what I want instead of what you've decided I need to do? Losing you almost killed me. It created an enormous hole in my heart, in my soul. And then, I found out you were still here and I saw you and I talked to you and we spent time together. And now, now you just want to leave and rip my heart wide open again?"  
"It's for the best Monica, believe me. You can't move on with your life if I'm still around here."

"Oh, and you're so sure I want to move on."

"You have to Monica."

"No, I don't! I need you in my life, in any way I can have you. If having you here as a spirit or a "ghost" is all I can have, then I'll take it, gladly. Anything is better than the hell I went through those months alone without you."

"I just want you to be happy Monica and I don't want to stand in the way of that."

"I am happy Alan. You are my happiness and as long as I can hear your voice each day and see those beautiful eyes, I will be happy for the rest of my life."  
"Someday you may realize it's not enough."

"It will ALWAYS be enough Alan. You will always be enough. Please, please, promise me you'll stay as long as you possibly can. I want to hold on to you for as long as I can."

Alan looked into her eyes and realized that he could never ever leave her. "Yes, yes, I'll stay for as long as you want me to." They stared into each other's eyes, each one tear-filled.  
"I have an idea, Monica. Our love has gotten us this far, even through death and it has kept us together. I think that there is nothing we can't do. You believed enough to see me here, now we need to believe enough to touch each other. I know we want it so badly. Close your eyes and reach out for me, Monica. I want so much to hold you."

Monica closed her eyes and reached out her hand to touch him gently. To her astonishment, she felt him. Before she knew it, she felt him pulling her close. She wrapped her arms around his neck and they both cried. After what seemed like hours, they pulled from their embrace and looked into each other's eyes. Slowly, they leaned in and felt each other's lips. They kissed passionately, falling back onto the bed. They spent the next hours just lying there holding each other and kissing tenderly, afraid to try anything more, but blissfully content that they had fully reconnected. They knew that their love had truly conquered everything.


End file.
